Living in Fairyland

2011-02-21T17:15:00.000-08:00

you look at my weakness and see weakness

you despise what ails me

you think i should be stronger of mind

you accuse me of self pity

i'm thankful for the inner light that knows my heart

and does not condemn

i'm thankful that i helped make you self sufficient

i'm thankful you're so strong

i'm very thankful you haven't seen what i've seen

or experienced what i've experienced.

i'm glad your Faith is more than mine

just kinda pray and wish your heart were kinder

a little more compassion please

i did take pretty good care of you

and protected you from many hurts

and taught you your independence

and how to work to get what you wanted

the coldness now is reminding me of a time

when i was unprotected and all alone

when those i loved most thought it was ok

to make me their whipping post in words and deeds

i'm not very good about taking my licks anymore

i'm too old to fight

i'd rather crawl under a rock
but instead

my refuge is under his wings

i'll stay there for awhile

For Danny

2010-08-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

He was a part of the wounded people,
The one’s who carry inside them,
The cares, the woes of many and himself.
When he saw a need in others he worked
Like the need was his own or his own child.
He carried his failures too much, he was burdened by his
Inadequacy.
He tried like the rest of us do, to let go and let God, but
Sometimes it just wasn’t enough.
He was determined though, that people would know that
God was a God of love. He was different, his face showed it. A light that would light up even in the daytime.

I will miss you Danny, but I’m sure I will see you again someday. And I’ll get to see your light again.

Just A Poem for Today

2010-07-18T10:16:00.000-07:00

I don't know, haven't been blogging lately, but many thoughts have been meandering through my tired mind. I'm going to delve into a little poetry again, just for the heck of it, and I like it. It's not necessarily good poetry, LOL, but I'm ok with that.

The Brush Off

I see the distance in your eyes, the fading glance. I wait for a response and it never comes.

If you could look at my eyes and see what hopes I’ve had, what dreams I’ve dreamed, what tears I’ve cried. You might know me.

I can’t perform according to plan, but I can put my life in His loving hands.
My scars have made me a little fragile, my pain has made me more than tender.
If you could just see what I have to give and lift me up and see the need, maybe My strength in God could then rise up and make me what I’m supposed to be.

New Digital Collage Sheets At Wicked Mama's Emporium

2010-04-27T06:03:00.000-07:00

Here are a few new digital collage sheets I have available in my etsy shop. These are so cool, they are from The Ladies Birthday Almanac this is an advertisement book put out in 1932 for Thedford's Black Draught and Cardui for Women. Various women with their pics and their own descriptions of what ails them. I love these. I bet cardui had liquor in it. LOL
And here is a newer sheet I've created with Dovers Flowers Clipart Cd, just in time for May flowers

http://wickedmama.etsy.com

Quick Resolutions

2010-01-04T09:53:00.000-08:00

I don't have a lot of time on my hands for blogging, but I feel the need to anyway. This will be pretty short. I've resolved over the new year to do things that make me feel younger. Exercise, blog, eat right, create as much as possible, have fun with my young daughter and granddaughter. Laugh more (than I already do), not dwell on the past, find a good home church (I already have one in mind), get out more with my husband alone, find the beauty around me, be happy for the little things, not stress over money, this is a sampling of what I can do to feel younger.
I realized in my last post, that I sort of lied, or lied to myself anyway about being ok with my hair getting gray. One day, I gave up and dyed it. I mean, I have a 4 year old, people are gonna think I'm her grandma, shoot, I'm old enough to be her grandma. Well, I dyed my hair for DD's sake. (That's my story and I'm stickin to it!) Well, more blog time later. I'm going to make myself look beautiful for the rest of the day!
Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Years!

I'm actually updating if you can believe it!

2009-10-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

Yes it has been a long absence. But everyone survived and no one missed me too much, did they? LOL
This is quick update as to the status of my life and family life, I have been working my hiney off (I wish this were literal) creating and maintaining my new supply shop on etsy. We also took our very first real vacation as a family! Both have been a necessity and blessing. The shop is bringing in a bit more income for me and the vacation to visit my dad and spend time on the beach was the bomb!
Another milestone tomorrow is mine and Terrell's 6th Wedding Anniversary. These have been a crazy wonderful amazing 6 years. We feel like we have been together forever, but I guess the reason is because watching the kids grow up and out. In this short time, we have watched children graduate from middle school, high school and college. We have had 2 weddings, one death in the family, one adoption and two births. We have experienced health problems and a little financial difficulty at times. Wow, what a crazy amount to go through in that amount of time. The stress has been extremely hard at times, but thankfully, our love and our friendship are a strong bond and these things have only served to make us stronger.
I'm getting older and have just discovered gray (actually they are silver, lol, honest!) in my hair.
I always told everyone the dye was coming out whenever I turned gray and the funny thing is I think I've changed my mind. I am not high maintenance but have had a little vanity in the past, but I just feel like those days are gone. Not that I don't want to look good, but my husband is gray (probably from marrying a women with 6 children) and it honestly just doesn't bother me and it really doesn't bother him. He likes that I'm not really high maintenance when it comes to my physical appearance. So I'm cool with the little silver hairs of wisdom gracing my hair. ;)
On vacation, I got to meet one of my heroines. We were able to attend a book signing by Paula Deen and Her husband Michael down in Savannah. Of course, when I started up to her, I cried. She very sweetly just gave me a big hug. I apologized for loosing it and blessed her for being a blessing to me. Her story is so much like many women's story and with the exception of her being a celebrity, it so coincides with mine. I couldn't say much, but I could tell from that short moment that she is as real as she is on T.V. They had been signing books all day and we were close to the end of the line. They had to be tired. Michael talked to Terrell about what kind of bikes they rode and called Abby a doll. It was a real pleasure to meet them.
Of course, we had a wonderful time visiting my family, Tybee beach and Savannah with our family too. I'll make that a second installation soon. Ha, I said this was going to be short. LOL

Digital Collage Sheets!

2009-08-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

I've started a new venture, another shop. This one is geared toward crafting and supplies. The name of the shop is Wicked Mama, it is my nemesis site.
Every woman should have a little wicked vixen inside of her to be able to let loose and have a little fun. I create custom Digital Art collage sheets for crafting and collage. I also will be adding bottle cap pendants, glass tile pendants, and maybe some snarzy collage art.

My main focus for now are some great digital collage sheets for crafting and creating.
The Url of this new shop if you are so inclined in to look or you are interested in collage crafts is
http://wickedmama.etsy.com/

Here are a few examples of the digital collage.

Who doesn't want a middle earth map on a paper mache boot?

2009-08-01T03:37:00.000-07:00

Found a website this morning from a friend on twitter. I'm up at 6:30 so I had nothing better to do (waiting for family to get up, going to Dollywood today) I've been laughing my head off trying not to wake anyone up.
http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/07/13/funny-classifieds-middle-earth-map/

Vintage Indiana Glass on Etsy

2009-07-26T07:58:00.000-07:00

This is kind of a test post to try and figure out more about Search Engine Optimization (SEO) on Etsy. Sales have been very consistent for me until recently and although I have really wanted to blame it on the economy and July being a rough month for sales, a new challenge has risen to meet me on the horizon.
So for everyone's amusement, I'm going to try and feature some of mine and others beautiful Vintage Indiana Glass in hopes of helping the SEO feature. We shall see if it works. I don't have a problem with promoting my shop or others, but really wanted to stave off making my blog into an advertisement.

I'd love to show for your consideration these lovely retro Vintage Indiana Whitehall Green Tea glasses from my shop http://iluvlucy8.etsy.com/

There are many shops on Etsy with Indiana Glass. I love it and if I had the room I would collect a roomful. But alas, my loss is someone else's china cabinet treasure. ;)

Here is another beautiful piece from
http://ZenHen.etsy.com/

Ode to the Garden God...

2009-07-13T06:08:00.000-07:00

To the Garden God...
Thank you that my garden is growing so prolifically.
I appreciate the gesture.
The cucumbers are crazy,
The beans are busting out,
The mosquitoes are biting,
The potatoes are potato,
The summer squash is seasoned,
The tomatoes are heavenly,
The zucchini is zowsa.
Thank you,
from a garden ho :P

The bittersweet memories of childhood

2009-07-06T05:12:00.000-07:00

This is not necessarily a tribute to a dead singer. Just some meandering thoughts from my childhood I'm writing for my sake or whoever loves the innocence of our younger days.
As a child, I only thought about faith and what could be, the good parts of life and hope for a wonderful future. This wasn't because I led a sheltered existence either, I was very emotionally abused and physically too at times. But as a child I had a love for music and literature that helped me transcend the harshness of life. It lifted me above the pain of everyday living. I know this was a gift from my Savior, I have no doubt.
So too I have to weigh in on Michael Jackson's death. I'm heartbroken. Not because of what Michael Jackson became, but because of what he once was to me in my childhood. His music was a big part of lifting me away from the pain and helping me to hang on and have a faith that I wasn't taught by my mother.
What Michael became is much cause for debate. I tend to hope that he wasn't the pedophile that some folks paint him as. I tend to hope the he was very eccentric because of the pain of his own childhood. But I'm not the judge of who he became. I just loved his music. Even as I got older I admired his talent (secretly as not to make my ex mad ;).
But his death shows that he was no God even though to some folks he probably will become one now. He was just a man with many failings.

My tribute is to the bittersweet memories of my childhood. A time when the negative part of the world we live in was in the background and not in the foreground of my mind. A time when I didn't have to worry as much about what could happen because I believed what was best. A time when faith was my survival and music and books were there to comfort me. And a time when I listened to I'll be there over and over and over again on my little 45 records on my small little turntable.

Josiah Stevenson-The Long Run

2009-06-15T16:07:00.000-07:00

To say that I'm proud is an understatement. But will forgo the mushy mommy jargon. This is a music video that is a collaboration of Josiah and a friend, Neil McCormack. I think it looks wonderful but decide for yourself. ;)
http://neilmccormack.com/longrun.mov

This is a hmmm? post

2009-05-21T06:38:00.000-07:00

Tale of Two Houses

House #1
A 20 room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms) heated by natural gas. Add on a pool (and a pool house) and a separate guest house, all heated by gas. In one month this residence consumes more energy than the average American household does in a year. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2400 per month. In natural gas alone, this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home. This house is not situated in a Northern or Midwestern 'snow belt' area. It's in the South.

House #2
Designed by an architecture professor at a leading national university. This house incorporates every 'green' feature current home construction can provide. The house is 4,000 square feet (4 bedrooms) and is nestled on a high prairie in the American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat-pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground.

The water (usually 67 degrees F) heats the house in the winter and cools it in the summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas and it consumes one-quarter electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from showers, sinks and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Surrounding flowers and shrubs native to the area enable the property to blend into the surrounding rural landscape.

~~~~~
HOUSE #1 is outside of Nashville , Tennessee ;
It is the abode of the 'Environmentalist' Al Gore.

HOUSE #2 is on a ranch near Crawford , Texas ;
It is the residence of the Ex-President of the United States , George W. Bush.

An 'inconvenient truth.'

I sure hope this gets passed to everyone!
And, yes ... I DID check Snopes prior to forwarding it.

Disney Copies their own movies!

2009-04-09T06:58:00.000-07:00

Surprise, surprise

My Politics

2009-04-07T11:04:00.000-07:00

I try very hard not to interfere with the affairs of politics, except to vote my conscience. But a friend of mine sent this to me and I am posting because I believe with my whole heart that it is a valid important message for us today as a people. I see apathy all around me in the world. I would say I might even have fallen prey to it at times. I hope this little reminder helps us remember.

Cycle of Democracy

"A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover they can vote themselves largess from the public treasury.

"From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising them the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship.

"The average age of the world's greatest civilizations has been 200 years. These nations have progressed through this sequence:

"From bondage to spiritual faith;
from spiritual faith to great courage;
from courage to liberty;
from liberty to abundance;
from abundance to selfishness;
from selfishness to apathy;
from apathy to dependence;
from dependency back again into bondage."

Dr. Alexander Tytler, a Scot professor, wrote a scholarly tome, from which this concept comes, called "The Athenian Republic" which was published shortly before the thirteen American colonies gained independence from Britain.. "Google" him to learn more.

In publishing a handout on the "Cycle" in 1994 I noted that the national debt had reached a staggering $4.5 trillion dollars. A year ago (Oct. 1, '07) it had soared to $9.06 trillion! Barely one year later (Oct. 17, '08) it is $10.3 trillion!! Our forebears thought of debt as slavery. They would be shocked at what their descendants have done. - - John Wrisley.

Time Keeps on Slipping

2009-03-31T11:13:00.000-07:00

Thing are just getting a little beyond me to be honest. Trying to keep up with having an online business and try to bring in extra revenue is so time consuming. If I looked at it like I did in the beginning, a fun venue or hobby that might bring in a little extra pocket change so I could continue to do what I love, instead of an actual job that I have to go to every day and drudge along in it, I would be fine. But no, I have to make everything I do for fun into work. I've realized how works oriented I am still. My need to perform and perform well in one setting detracts from performing well in other areas. Of course, you can't tell me that, I'm superwoman. I can do it all.
This world is a changing and time does keep on slipping into the future. Steve Miller had it right.
And here I am trying with all my heart to stop and smell the roses with my faith, husband, and children along with me and I cannot keep up. My Lord does not require this out of me, my husband doesn't require this of me, nor do my children. So why do I time and time again get caught up in this never ending hamster wheel?
I'm going to jump off that wheel for a while and stop and enjoy what God has given me. I might even get to actually blog more about what I enjoy. What a release! Hallelujah!

Here is a sweet lovely artist I found on you tube. I think she sums it up really well for me. I hope anyone who stops by will listen and enjoy. It's time for all of us to revitalize.

Bugs, yuck.

2009-03-19T16:54:00.000-07:00

So sorry for the lack of posts of anything interesting in the last week and a half. My family has all come down with these little bugs twice each. I haven't been bitten yet, knock on wood, but I am feeling so run down with taking care of all.
Hope to blog soon and get back to talking to all of the sweet people who follow me and to catch up on my own reading.
Blessings,
Marsha

A little worn out

2009-03-11T04:19:00.000-07:00

I've had so much excitement here lately with the giveaway and trying to keep up with my shop. This past week sales have picked up which makes me very happy, hopefully they will stay that way as long as I can keep finding and creating interesting items to add. I'm going to take a few days break on blogging. I've got some precious cargo coming in from college and I want to spend some time with them.

I'm leaving you with a little music video today in tribute to my mom who passed away 2 years ago on March 27th. If you have ever read my shop announcement, you will know that she was the inspiration for the opening of Everything Nana.

And the winner is......

2009-03-08T17:10:00.001-07:00

Drum roll please...
Mrs. B -yea, clap, clap, woo hoo,

My son Cody graciously drew the name from my little Chinese takeout box. Almost everyone had two chances because most guessed right about how many children I have. I want to let everyone know I appreciate the time they took to look at my little shop and comment. It's this kind of feedback that helps me understand what direction I should be going in.
I got to know Mrs. B last year when she asked me if I would participate in her bloggy contest, the 31 days of Halloween. I enjoyed getting to know her and reading her blog, "Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom".
She also has started a non pagan bloggy titled
http://crunchygranolajerseymom.blogspot.com/

So...this isn't the end. I will have another blog giveaway in April or May, but please stop by and see me before then, leave a comment or two. I'm planning on blogging about my uninteresting life, throw in some homespun wisdom, talk about crafting and vintage, and maybe bring some wicked snarzy humor into the mix as well. I'm trying very hard to stay away from politics right now, but you might have to put up with some of that as well.
Bye for now, back to fairyland.....

Update

2009-03-08T05:58:00.000-07:00

Blog drawing for the giveaway will be held later on today! I should have the winner posted by this evening!
Thanks so much for all who entered!

Drum Roll Please.... First ever Blog give away!

2009-02-26T05:37:00.000-08:00

Yes, today is the day, my first blog give away. After crunching ideas for about a week, and talking to those who know better ;), I have decided to keep it very simple.
Post your comment to this blog and tell me what your favorite item is in my shop and by random drawing I will pick the winner on March 8th, 2009. There is an added bonus though, if you can find the answer to this question, "How many children do I have?", then email me the answer at iluvlucy8@bellsouth.net, you will get another entry into the drawing.
"What am I going to get for my trouble?", you ask. Here is the list of prizes for this give away:
One beautifully crafted pink geisha domino pendant necklace
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=21536660
A choice of Jasmine Sunshine or Clean caramel pecan soap
Any greeting card from my etsy shop.

The link to my shop is (Please copy and paste)
http://iluvlucy8.etsy.com/

I hope I have kept it simple enough and I hope I make some new online friends and maybe a few new customers, we shall see. As I said before, sometimes I actually can be enlightening, and sometimes not. But I'm always full of fun, I promise.

I Love Soap

2009-02-17T17:27:00.000-08:00

My new project for tomorrow -
Caramel Pecan Goat Milk Soap. I'm so excited. I love making anything and everything. The Picture above is my Jasmine Sunshine Soap, it's available in my shop.

To those who might pick up and start following my blog a little, I may be having a blog give away soon. Not sure exactly what I'll be giving away (probably soap), but hope to gain a few readers and get to know them.

I can't say I'm Miss Popularity and have the smartest things to write about or the coolest snarzy comments, or warm witty stories that make folks want to hug someone, but maybe I might make some new friends just being me.

So if your out there and you happenstance to come by and read what I write, be it dribble or what not, leave a comment, send me a link, I will read and look and comment and find out more about you.

A little nonsense for today.

2009-02-13T05:37:00.001-08:00

This was posted on a friend of mines website today. Had to repost, I just needed a laugh and this was it.

Personal Training Day

2009-02-06T05:40:00.000-08:00

Well,
I've procrastinated myself into a place I don't want to be. I've been justifying no exercising for the past few years because I didn't want to neglect my family. I now realize it's a sham. I just don't want to exercise. But... I do want to be healthy so I can take care of my family.
I came up with a solution to my dilemma. I've thought some time about joining somewhere where I would have personal accountability about exercising and nutrition.
My sweet husband and I like food too much for me to be accountable to him.
So I had a great idea the other day. My oldest daughter stays active, exercises, teaches dance, eats right (mostly), and has a commanding way of being able to get the job done. My Oldest DD will become my personal trainer.
This little experiment will probably start in the next week or so and I am actually looking forward to being pushed around. ;)
If anyone can help me, she can. If your wondering, she is not doing it for free, I will help her clean her house once a month and offer babysitting once a week in return.
I am really looking forward to losing the weight and will keep updates posted.

Article from DC Examiner about the CPSIA

2009-02-04T03:05:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to post about this stupid law for sometime. I hope America wakes up soon. We are tossing all of our freedoms right to the garbage with our elected officials.
Can you imagine people not being allowed to sell their handmade goods for children any more? This will effect me slightly also because I can't afford to test for lead in my non toxic lead free treasure boxes I sell, marketed for children. So people who want higher quality hand made toys won't be able to purchase, or those trying to make an income selling them are regulated out of business. This is a very sad state for our country to be in.
And just for the record, I don't like cheap toys from China that have lead in them.

Washington toy story shows why regulation helps the big guys

By Timothy P. Carney
Examiner Columnist | 1/30/09 5:10 PM

Thousands of self-employed businessmen, artists, and boutique owners who make or deal in hand-crafted children’s toys, clothes, or furniture could be out of work next month. A 2008 federal law, with the salutary-sounding name “Consumer Products Safety Improvement Act,” could drive these craftsmen out of business.

Big toymakers, who helped write the bill, are ready for the regulations that will go into effect Feb. 10, while smaller toymakers look likely to suffer. It’s another example of how Washington, when it regulates an industry, often helps the biggest businesses in that industry while crushing the smaller guys.

This toy story begins in the summer of 2007 when toy-making goliath Mattel was thrice forced to recall products made in China after discovering dangerous levels of lead. That fall, as Congress took up the bill reauthorizing the Consumer Products Safety Commission, consumer groups pushed for stricter safety standards on toys and other children’s products.

In September 2007, Sen. Mark Pryor, D-Ark., introduced a bill in response to the lead-in-toys scare. The bill became law in August 2008, making it illegal to sell children’s products—toys, furniture, clothes, et cetera—that have not undergone third-party testing for hazardous materials.

The bill also declared that any children’s product was a “banned hazardous substance” if any portion of it had a lead content greater than 600 parts per million. Also all manufacturers of children’s products—big or small—are required by the law to create registries of every product they sell and put unique tracking numbers or marks on each product.

This third-party testing portion of the bill goes into effect Feb. 10, which has small toymakers up in arms. The Handmade Toy Alliance is one of many groups mobilizing to keep the CPSC from destroying artisan toymaking.

Large manufacturers who mass produce toys or children’s furniture will face some added costs from the bill, but these are costs they can bear—especially because the costs will be industry wide thus passed onto consumers.

Indeed, many of the bigger manufacturers have already implemented testing procedures to comply with the federal requirements. Their smaller competitors, however, will suffer under the burden.

A stay-at-home mom who sews children’s dolls on the side or a small woodworker who sells a few child-sized chairs each year will find these regulations much more burdensome if not impossible.

The CPSC staff has proposed a rule that would exempt from the testing requirement products made solely of “unadulterated,” unpainted, unfinished, and untreated wood, “natural fibers,” gemstones, or other “natural materials.” This rule, if approved, will not be finalized for months, while the testing requirement becomes effective in two weeks.

Is this disproportionate impact on the smaller businesses an “unintended consequence,” as many now say? When you look at the lobbying records, it doesn’t look so.

Mattel—whose leaded toys kicked off this whole scare—beefed up its lobbying effort when the legislation appeared. The company’s lobbying budget, which had been steady at $120,000 per year from 2002 through 2006 ballooned to $540,000 in 2007 and $650,000 in 2008—a 442% increase from two years earlier.

In late August 2007, Mattel, the largest toymaker in the world, hired a new lobbying firm, Johnson, Madigan, Peck, Boland & Stewart, to lobby on the bill. One of their lobbyists on this issue was Sheila Murphy, recently the legislative director for Sen. Amy Klobuchar, a Democratic member of the Commerce Committee’s Consumer Affairs subcommittee. Klobuchar became a cosponsor of the bill in late September 2007.

Hasbro, the world’s No. 2 toymaker, had never had a Washington lobbyist, according to federal lobbying filings, before October 2007, when the company hired the Duberstein Group, headed by Ken Dubertstein, the former White House Chief of Staff under Ronald Reagan. Since then, Hasbro has spent $500,000 on lobbying.

But these industry giants weren’t resisting regulation—they were embracing it. Carter Keithley, president of the Toy Industry Association—of whom Mattel is the biggest member—told this columnist “we were early proponents of adopting mandatory laws to require toy testing.”

The regulations give the big toymakers a federal stamp of approval, and they make it harder for upstarts to challenge the big guys—or even survive. Without the regulation, parents might put more trust in a local, independent toymaker they know. After the regulation goes into effect, that toymaker is out of work.

Regulation proponents usually say anti-regulation types are shills for big business. Washington’s toy story makes that claim look even more like make-believe.

Examiner staff columnist Timothy P. Carney is author of “The Big Ripoff: How Big Business and Big Government Steal Your Money.”

Cornmeal Clouds

2009-01-23T16:34:00.000-08:00

She is my life, my vision, my laughter, my everything, but..... Today while I was in the middle of emailing a customer to sink a wholesale order and while my dd was supposed to be relaxing on the love seat watching Blue's Clues, dd suddenly appeared at the door of the study and said, "Momma, someting happened to my hair." I knew instantly what that someting was, flour or cornmeal to be exact. Then she apologized as she lead to me to the scene of her crime. Cornmeal was everywhere in her usual crime scene, and all over her. Her dark brown hair was white. Now she is a sleeping angel, and I don't have to deal with this just yet. But, how do I deal, with trying my best to work and build a business and have a precocious 3 year old under my feet. I'm staying home for a reason, I must remember that. Does my creativity suffer from the responsibility? I would say, that I couldn't be creative at all without the life she brings. I would be stagnant and old and overburdened with the cares of this world to even think about being creative. So, here is to many more cornmeal clouds, butter sculptures, crayon drawings and such. This is the life.

Valentine's Day is Coming Soon and I'm shamelessly plugging my Etsy Shop.

2009-01-07T07:04:00.001-08:00

Etsy
Buy Handmade
iluvlucy8

What I do when I'm burned out from being a mom.

2009-01-06T14:30:00.000-08:00

A little digital meandering does wonders. I love painting with the computer.

Mask Off

2008-12-31T06:58:00.000-08:00

Well, the after Holiday blues finally arrived because of a good dose of teen angst toward mom (me) to start it off. I love Motherhood, except for days like Monday. All the good psychologists say not to take it personally, but that is so much easier said than done.
I wish they understood the constant demand on me from every one of them and my husband. I get so tired of being the bad guy when they are stressed or mad about something totally different. This week I have been accused of being unloving, not understanding, hurtful (on purpose of course), and to be totally honest everything a good mother isn't. All this comes after breaking my neck for months to work and provide a good Christmas for them. From 1-100 I think my mom meter is on 5 right now.
So I'm tired, I know things will change and we will persevere and becoming a loving family once more, but it was rough on me this time. Also has something to do with worrying that my endrometriosis is returning after just having surgery last year.
I need to visit Fairyland right now. ;)

The Tale of Despereaux

2008-12-27T01:53:00.001-08:00

I highly recommend this animated feature. I usually like some animated movies. I have to because of Lucy, but this movie with it's deeper message and wonderful artistic animation pulled at my heartstrings like no other has done. I would say this will be a classic in my house when it comes out on DVD. This is one animated feature that will keep the attention of adults but the message might be a little deep and the plot twists a little to much for very young children (Lucy was very hyper, probably because of all the chocolate she ate for breakfast,lol). I would love to tell you the theme and the message but it might spoil it for you because I was a little surprised when it all came out. Have fun and go see a great movie that will make you feel a lot better about the Holiday Season.

Contentment

2008-12-26T05:17:00.000-08:00

Well another Christmas over. I will say the disappointment that happens yearly to me at this time when Christmas is over did not happen this time. I must be getting old or older, or more mature, tired, whatever. ;)
I'm usually disappointed because I have such fun watching the kids opening their gifts and the next day is anticlimax. I hate to say that I've finally grown up at 44, but in some ways that might be the case.
This year brought the same family love and excitement and joy as in previous years, but also a form of contentment that is a little new to me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I didn't stress over the holidays this year, I was more relaxed. I didn't worry about insignificant things, like if the house was perfectly clean or the dinner perfectly prepared. I actually had fun.
Christmas in some ways may have lost it's magic for me, but I gained more in the long run.
A few fun facts and then I'm done. Lu ran amok and loved everything the best, all of it was her favorite. Little crazy bugger was as mean as a snake on Christmas Eve and had to get a Christmas Eve spanking. ;) Family pitched in for a laptop for Josiah and decided to pull a prank on him and wrap up a used laptop that didn't work, he, he, he, but it backfired because Josiah is so good natured, he honestly thought that the used laptop mom got him from ebay could be put to good use. LOL
Mom (me) got all sorts of coolio items including the shiatzu massage chair she sits in while she blogs on her computer. I don't think I'll ever have to go to the chiropractor again.
I hope everyone had a very blessed Christmas, and I pray dearly for all the people who were hurting and alone on this day.
P.S. yes that is a Harley Davidson Power Wheels Lu is sitting on. lol

We were all pagans at one time in the past.

2008-12-21T20:22:00.000-08:00

An interesting history lesson. ;)

Main article: Christmas

Christmas or Christ's Mass is one of the most popular Christian celebrations as well as one of the most globally recognized midwinter celebrations. Christmas is the celebration of the birth of the God Incarnate or Messiah, Yeshua of Nazareth, later known as Jesus Christ. The birth is observed on December 25, which was the winter solstice upon establishment of the Julian Calendar. Banned by the Catholic Church in its infancy as a pagan practice stemming out of the Sol Invictus celebrations,[9] Christian churches eventually recognized the sustained practices as a Christian festival in various cultures within the past several hundred years, allowing much of the folklore and traditions of local pagan festivals to be preserved. So today, the old festivals such as Jul, Коледа and Karácsony, are still celebrated in many parts of Europe, but the Christian Nativity is now often representational as the meaning behind the holiday. This is why Yule and Christmas are considered interchangeable in Anglo-Christendom. Universal activities include feasting, midnight masses and singing Christmas carols about the Nativity. Good deeds and gift giving in the tradition of St. Nicholas by not admitting to being the actual gift giver is also observed by some countries. Many observe the holiday for twelve days leading up to the Epiphany.

This Is An Amazing Story!!!!

2008-12-16T09:32:00.000-08:00

This is a great story for all you power ballad lovers out there!!!!
Arnel Pineda and Journey!

I sort of feel bad for Steve Perry, I guess it's his loss though.

What Dreams May Come

2008-12-10T03:51:00.000-08:00

I must be missing my mom because I dreamed I was preaching to a crowd the dangers of smoking and second hand smoke, and when I was finished I started crying.
Very strange how things can creep into your subconscious. I must really hate smoking with a passion.
It would be so nice if just happy thoughts filled this Holiday season for me. I haven't heard from my stepfather since August when he called to tell Terrell that he couldn't make it to Joshua's wedding. He doesn't have a clue about how much I ever cared and has broken many promises to me. I have determined I will not be bitter though. But I feel that reaching out is out of the question because I just get slapped back by him. I've prayed so much and it is really hard to understand why He isn't letting God reach him. I guess that's called free will.
Well, I'm gonna still pray, no matter what. And I've got an idea about reaching out with low expectations on the response.
It really is His loss.

Great Song from GoFish!

2008-12-07T13:24:00.000-08:00

Santa Wants You! (to join a cause)

2008-12-07T13:09:00.000-08:00

Well, they don't have to be big causes, but just something to remind us what Christmas is all about. First of all, make sure you stop by an angel tree this year and pic up something for those little one's who are not so fortunate. It's a great feeling to get to be Santa.
Another great cause this year is to go through Shadracks Watersports Christmas Wonderland Light Show. 5 acres of synchronized lights to wonderful Christmas music. It's a fantastic reminder to the Scrooge's of the season. It only cost $10 per vehicle and the proceeds go to help hungry families by benefiting the Second Harvest Food Bank in Knoxville. The Holographic Santa is absolutely the coolest thing I've seen, Lucy thought for sure he was waving right at her.

Ideas on how to enliven the Christmas spirit.

2008-12-03T08:42:00.000-08:00

After posting my disillusion with Christmas the other day, I have been trying to do things that will enliven my spirit and make the magic happen again. My children always help me at this time of year and other friends have had good suggestions also. My minister suggested some really good classic Christmas music aka The Charlie Brown Christmas Soundtrack, and when I get my new computer on Friday and get itunes reinstalled, I plan on purchasing it. The decorations are almost all up and they are very pretty, my children helped decorate the tree and merrily drank eggnog all day. I'll have to say the that I did get a little dose of merry when one of my twin girls brought me pumpkin eggnog. Yes, it's like drinking pumpkin pie, so yummy. My 3 year old is at the perfect age for Christmas, she believes in all things Santa and Mom and Dad and sisters and brothers. I have started teaching her about the birth of Jesus and how we celebrate Christmas because of Him. I love the way they believe everything at this age. The line between reality and pretend has not been deciphered yet. Some day it will come down to a question of Faith and I have no doubt whatsoever of what choice she will make. My large imagination as a child led me to the Faith I have now.
We live in hard stressful times and it's so easy to lose sight of what Christmas is. As the day draws closer, I am reminded in each and every way on why it's important to me. So I am compiling a list of things that make Christmas merry. Feel free to add to it if you like.

1. Pumpkin eggnog
2. It's a Marshmallow World by Bing Crosby.
3. A toddler who is in awe of all of it.
4. My kids, who think I'm the greatest cook who ever lived.
5. My husband, who won't let me give up and grow old.
6. For those out there, like me, who have lost the magic a little, but who won't give up on Christmas.
7. And also, to one of the greatest Christmas movies of all time, A Muppet's Christmas Carol. (If you haven't seen it, go watch it NOW!!!!!)

Fairyland is being infiltrated.

2008-11-30T13:17:00.001-08:00

Oh, it's so hard to post this, but I have to get it off my chest. I'm having the hardest time with the Holiday season this year. Christmas has always held magic for me and I have tried hard to share and live that magic with my children. I can't seem to get past the fact that we have had the commercialism of Christmas crammed down our throat for about 4 months now. No more can we just enjoy each season and Holiday, they were putting out Christmas decor at Halloween this year. I know many of you will laugh and think "What a dweeb, this has been going on forever and she didn't see it before?" Many folks have given up on the Christmas season already. I almost think I might be joining the ranks of those who say, "Bah Humbug!". Especially when I hear that people are being killed on Black Friday so the other greedy ******** can get a good sale.
I know that we as Christians celebrate Christmas because of the symbolism of the Birth of Jesus, but I for one have known that Christmas traditions in many ways are anything but Christian. And to be honest, that never has bothered me. But what does bother me is way the society has become so gluttonized that they would take a life to get what they want. I have said before that I'm tired of being complacent in my spirituality. Sometimes, we have to see what is in front of us to allow us to grow.
I'm not leaving fairyland, it's a wondrous place, and I feel my children need to feel the magic. But I am looking inward this Christmas season and asking the Lord to help me give them something more than the magic, something substantial.

Cleaning Out

2008-11-12T07:58:00.000-08:00

I've been helping a friend clean out cupboards lately and it gave me motivation to start cleaning out mine. It's pretty funny how you can let things slip by for a few years and not realize the time is passing so quickly. I'd ask the kids to do it, but no one does it like mama does. When I clean out my kitchen cupboards it actually is a walk down memory lane. Evidently, I had about 2 years of memories stored in my cupboards. Every little spice that is almost empty makes me remember what I used them on and what dishes I cooked for family gatherings, how much fun we had and actually how much food is a part of our gatherings. All 5 of the unused cans of baking powder remind me of all the baking I thought I was going to do over the past two years but didn't. Anyway some of the memories give off wonderful sweet aromas and others just really need to be cleaned and swept away, aka Natasha. It's funny, I really do like to clean out my cabinets. I had purchased some vintage orange Tupperware canisters and there is nothing in the world like them and I will be collecting more of different colors in the ensuing months. I learned that sometimes we put things off and shouldn't, digging in to clean ups and memories can be a really good thing.
On another little note, I found out that the lady I called Grandma for many years when I was a child passed away in June of this year. I had wanted to get back with her and reconnect around October of last year and kept putting it off. When I finally decided I would write her this year I found her obituary online. She was 80 and she may not even have remembered me, but I feel bad because I never took that chance.
So, lol, take a chance and go clean out some cupboards. ;)

Every Child a Wanted Child

2008-11-07T03:35:00.000-08:00

Every Child a wanted child. This is a slogan many pro-choice people use to justify abortion. I have to say that it sounds correct in it's ideology. Who in their right mind wants to see children sexually and physically abused, neglected, and sometimes even killed? Is that what pro-life folks want? That would make for a bunch of sadistic pro-lifers.
To digress, let me tell you a little about myself. I was born to a woman who wanted a child with all her heart and soul. She prayed for me and went through extreme measure and surgery in order to be able to conceive. She prayed for a little girl with red hair and blue eyes. She promised God with everything in her that she would get her life right if He would answer her prayer. Well, He did. Even though she ruptured the surgery in order to attend her grandfathers funeral and the doctor told her there was only a 15% chance of her ever conceiving, a miracle happened, she did conceive and of course I was that child. Did she get her life right? No, not at that time. Did she have the emotional capability of being a mother? Not in the slightest. My childhood wasn't too bad, but many things I don't remember. My Catholic mom left my Baptist father when I was 3 weeks old. Abuse? Probably started earlier than I realize, but the first known attack happened when I was about five years old. This is what my cousin remembered, but not me, I must have blocked it. My mom wanted me to rub her feet and I was trying as only a five year old can but must have been failing because in the words of my cousin, mom turned around and smacked me across the room. Little by little abuse happened whenever my mom was in a manic mood. She had been diagnosed with being Bipolar before I was born. To make a real long story short, I spent a lifetime going through abuse, first with my mother and then with my first husband. The bruises were on my body and on my heart. Many times I as a person wished I had not been born. My faith in an Almighty God who justified me is what kept me from taking my own life, and who through a process of grace and forgiveness helped me overcome bitterness, and I overcame with his help to be the person I am today, who isn't too bad and who longs to help children in the same situation I was in. I am glad and honored that God had a plan for me within my mother's womb.

Back to the present, every child conceived on this earth has a God given potential to be and do what the God of Creation has for them. I realize this is a question of faith.
But to those who would call me sadistic because I don't believe in abortion, I do have an answer and I am not lily white and spot free. But to me, abortion is the ultimate rejection of the unborn and of the mother herself. No matter what stage of life from the embryo onward, the child has a soul and potential.
To me, there is no abortion in Fairyland.

Change

2008-11-05T01:55:00.000-08:00

Well, of course I'm disappointed. My candidate did not win. I hurt and feel like this country is on the wrong track and it is fearful, but I will not be bitter. I admire that the first black man has been elected. It was never the color of his skin, it was his policies that frightened me. I am the ultimate conservative, no doubt. My belief in the sanctity of life and that abortion is murder is too strong. I have felt this way ever since I knew what abortion was from the time I was in middle school. No one brainwashed me into thinking it, my parents never even talked to me about it. My heart that belonged to Jesus just told me it was wrong.
Like I said, I will not be bitter though. God is my God, Jesus is my Savior. He alone knows the hearts of man and judges accordingly. We are a nation under His grace. Many would argue that his judgement will come upon us because of this and my take is that judgement will happen in the end. But we as a country will reap what we sow. It is our own doing.
I am a selfish complacent coasting Christian and see the need for change within myself. It is time to start taking my own spirituality more seriously.
I have friends who are rejoicing because of the democratic win, and many of them are giving sweet people who have high ideals. I do so pray that their expectations are not disappointed. I might even be surprised at what is to come, we shall see.
I will pray for this country and not rant and rave and complain because things haven't gone my way.
I will stand up for my God, my beliefs, my faith, and the babies who are sacrificed in the name of convenience whenever I get a chance and show God's love and grace to whoever comes my way.

A little Politics

2008-10-03T20:55:00.000-07:00

Let's change the subject.

2008-09-29T04:22:00.000-07:00

So not worth it.

2008-06-30T06:39:00.000-07:00

I am most assuredly a Christian woman, who loves Christ, and people. No one will argue with that.
Since when can someone not post how they feel on their own blogs without calling out names of people. Gossiping, no, truth telling, yes.
To the young lady who would say that I am not a Christian because I wrote how I felt and addressed the issue at hand. A mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.
Get YOUR heart right with Jesus and then go and get medical attention and counseling. The only person you are really causing any misery to is yourself.
Our family is over it.
I will always pray for you and I will always care whether you believe it or not, but I don't have to put up with you.

Reflecting on the past year.

2008-06-27T08:43:00.001-07:00

I have wanted to sit down and post my thoughts about all milestones pertaining to my family for quite some time now. One thing I realize about who I am is that the older I get, the less I know.
I have always prided myself on having answers for myself and others, and have come to the conclusion that this is not a virtue. I'm not saying that I can't be wise sometimes, when God gives me the words to say and I'm listening to Him. But, if it's just me, it's not worth it, I am too easily deceived by my heart. Some people are deceived by money, alcohol, drugs, work. I am one of those who can be deceived by my ideals.
I have had a great year this year despite many stresses. I am so very thankful for my family.
My husband is amazing, working 64 hours a week to make sure this whole family can make it. He gives to those who have genuine needs physically and spiritually. He doesn't try to be anything but what he is and I am so happy for that. He loves me to provide for my eccentricities and try to understand what I go through at times emotionally. He does so much I worry how one person can take on so much. I try to make up the difference, but in some ways I fail miserably, but he will not let me feel like a failure. He makes sure we don't grow up too much and tries to keep life lighthearted. I wish others knew him like I do.
Last year was difficult, my health was declining and we couldn't figure out why. Thankfully by the beginning of this year we were able to find some answers and the Lord provided the answer through the surgery (female problems) and my health has improved ever since.
Numerous stresses met my family this year, but each person met each difficulty head on.
Our hearts went out to a lady expecting twins who wanted to give them up for adoption. My daughter and her husband stepped up to the plate and knew that God had put it on their hearts to help, and for a few weeks the possibility of adding to our family by adopting these children encompassed our minds and hearts.
Thankfully, within a few weeks and not a long drawn out affair, we knew that it wasn't going to be. I honestly believe with 100 percent assurance that this lady was never pregnant and she had set out to con my daughter, son-in-law, and whole family. The Lord kept it from happening!!! Praise God. Praise God she wasn't actually pregnant because of the children who would be born to a woman who was mentally sick.

We were attempting to make another young lady part of our family at the time. My son had fallen head over heals in love. To make a long story short, my son learned a hard lesson, and so did I. The lesson from these two instances was that not everyone wants help. I think God wants us to really pray and discern and be willing to give with your whole heart, but not to give it to the wrong people. Don't cast your pearls before swine. Of course, this is not an excuse to harden our hearts, He wants us to be open, but more open to Him and His guidance.

Even though these things happened and many stresses will continue to happen in the future I'm sure, God keeps adding to our family in other ways that bless us. Our two little munchkins, Lucy and Roxy, keep my daughter and I hopping. They are thriving and having fun, and living in fairyland to the best of their ability. My oldest son is engaged and going to be married in August to a very sweet balanced girl who loves God and his family. She is going to be a great addition and I'm sure will keep some of us on our toes and accountable.

My business is crunching along, the economy isn't helping, but it meets an emotional need in me that I haven't experienced for quite some time. I never knew how much I loved art and creating silly little tokens. I have a friend in Knoxville who has started a non profit art studio called The Canvas Can do Miracles. She is so right in her philosophy that art can take you out of the gutter!!!

My friends, I have a few, mainly those who understand me. I hope to reach out to others this next year and make some new friendships where life isn't about competing or religion or politics or church for that matter. Real life and real friends, I'm sure it will come most unexpectedly.
I do live in Fairyland, but feel the need to start venturing out once in a while. We will see what this year brings.

I wish I lived in Fairyland

2008-06-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

This is a poem, it's just how I felt today. Someone I loved fell victim to someone who thought they had the right.

Selfish Girl

A heartbreak ready to happen,
a pain that cannot be erased
How do you see it, selfish girl?

A tried and true romance,
promise him the world.
Is that the way it is, selfish girl?

Such a victim, pain your whole life through,
bleeding on those around you.
That's alright, as long as they don't bleed on you.

Lot's of Luck, selfish girl.
Lot's of prayers, selfish girl.
Lot's of sadness, selfish girl.
Maybe someday, selfish girl.

Art cards, editions, and originals!

2008-06-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

ACEOs stand for art cards, editions, and originals. They are 2.5"x3.5"
Any medium can be used, but they must be that size. They are mini works of art that are much more affordable. They can be displayed many ways, matted, set out on small easels, or in sport trading card folders. Here are a few I've done recently,

Something New from Nana

2008-06-11T08:15:00.000-07:00

Well,
Here it is June already!!! 1 month until Lulu's 3rd birthday. As I try to type, she dances around me getting into everything whist I try and say something in my blog that I haven't actually had anything of substance to say for months. I can't say the substance thing has changed, but I'm still plugging away at my life and business and loving every minute of it.
I also have made a new passel of friends in the art community I'm part of. I'm thinking about featuring art from this etsy community, plus my own once in a while. I am in love with creating!
This past Sunday, my husband and I were privileged to be a part of a fund raiser for a very worthy cause. It was called Miracle Fest 2008. My friend, Jackie Holloway, put together a fantastic show to help benefit The Canvas Can do Miracles Studio in Knoxville. This studio is a ministry to those recovering from drug and alcohol addiction. Anyone can come and create art using the supplies in the studio. Jackie has a wonderful testimony, I'm including her link, so please take a look when you get a chance.
This is her mission statement:
To reduce the number of individual living in the Knoxville and surrounding areas who live a non-productive life because of drug and alcohol addition. To provide studio time, space and instruction for basic arts & crafts to these individuals. To encourage them to utilize their God given gifts to become self-reliant and to visualize and take steps towards their goals as an artist. To provide personal assistance by open communication and Christian based counseling through an ongoing process during recovery.
This is her link:
http://www.artbyejackie.com/

Dandelion Girl

2008-04-03T18:40:00.000-07:00

dandelion girl
sing through your nose
whirl and twirl
dance on your toes
water the dandelions
and watch them grow

This is a repost

2008-03-31T07:13:00.000-07:00

I guess I've been thinking a lot about my mom. The 29th was the anniversary of her passing. I just wanted to remember her so I'm reposting.
Roxanne Madonna Hensley

For those who don't know, my momma, Roxanne Hensley, passed away on March 29th.
We are getting ready for her memorial on Saturday, April 7th. My daughter Grace wrote a poem to remember my mom and it is beautiful. I will be writing more myself when I get the time.

Friday, March 30, 2007

a meditation on Nana
Category: Writing and Poetry

She could be called a woman of experiences,
Which have shaped her just as God willed.
What then could have been different?
Should have been different?
Nothing is the answer.
Even she trusts in that.

She owes everything good to her Daddy
And chases after His heart.
She understands Him and desires His best,
No matter how best it was,
So her submission and trust tell me that.

She cherishes her blessings and declares she has much cause for gratefulness.
She set her emotions to flight
On occasssion,
But I don't blame her for it.

She owns faith with purest authenticity
That makes me wonder and admire.
She put her heart behind her babies,
And loves unconditionally with small effort.

She is not dead, but now alive and bodacious as in youth.
She has a sparkle when she grins,
That is so desirable to evoke.
She often mustered new ideas
With few survivors in the end,
But her creativity cannot be matched.

She told stories many a time repeated,
But if laughter bubbled from her deep,
Laughter she would ignite.
I shall never forget the way she tickled
Herself into silliness
Or that blasting cackle so characteristic of her.

She testifies, she shares,
She doesn't put anything past her Daddy.
She openly layed out her mind
And was forthright when need be
Telling me all the things I need to hear,
But she affirmed her relationships
And extended invitations into her
World of love and God-given joy.

She is radical, she is beautiful.
Of course not perfect, but that
She'll be the first to mention.
She is loving,
And she is wonderful.

She has escaped the physical now
Out of our perceptions that way.
Although my greatest fear from this is
Missing out,
She has engrained me with the knowledge that
She has been given her heart's desire,
Which for her testimony is instilled by God.

Now if she were here today, she would
Bring life to our gathering.
She would lead us into infinite
Praise to our Lord, just as she is doing now.
So then let us give her the praise her life deserves
And let it be known as from her Father,
And for her Father.

I wrote this poem about my perceptions of my Nana, but I'm sure the singular subject can become plural just as easily. I do recognize the changes in verb tense, b/c I did that on purpose. I'm not sure if I could integrate it the right way, but they are there to reference her life now in heaven and her life that was on this earth. But I believe in the kind of poetry that doesn't have too many rules, and I like blank verse. I am so happy that my Nana is healed. I can only imagine what she is experiencing right now. It has been her dream and her heart's desire, and I thank God for fulfilling that. The last line references Proverbs 31:30, from which chapter she had Faith and I memorize

Kiss Me I'm Irish

2008-02-29T17:11:00.000-08:00

Some of my ETSY Items or I wish my Blog were famous sometimes.

2008-02-20T08:22:00.000-08:00

Etsy
Buy Handmade
iluvlucy8

The Gate

2008-02-19T08:50:00.000-08:00

We installed a gate by the kitchen to keep Lulu from tiptoeing in the kitchen and sneaking out various condiments, jelly, mustard, mayo, and sometimes eggs. :p It has helped considerably. So because she can't walk in the kitchen, she will place her little step stool by the gate and look in and talk to us while we are in the kitchen. Pretty funny, and the conversation gets pretty funny too. Last night she was talking to Cody as he was cleaning the kitchen. "Whatcha doin bubba?" Cody, "I'm cleaning the kitchen, Lulu." Lulu, "Oh No! That's terrible, I can't believe it!"
I'm so glad I have blogging to help me remember. :)

Jack of all trades and Lord of none.

2008-02-14T08:35:00.000-08:00

It seems like all I'm doing on my blog here lately is trying to promote my online shops. Well, ahem, yes I opened another one. Actually I believe this one might be there for a while. The others may be closing soon due to lack of interest. :)
My son's girlfriend has inspired me in many ways. She has the greatest creative spirit. My sweet Abby is really getting into art also, it's something we can do together. My dear mother, who passed away last year, had the spark of creativity also. She could do anything, make anything she wanted to. Much of her creativity was squelched over the years because life can do that sometimes, squelch you. I have spent so many years letting other stuff (life) get in the way of my dreams. I have tried to turn it around this year with starting a face painting business, and that is by no means gone, just waiting for warmer weather to start up again. But I have other creative stuff I do and do well. I realize I will always need an outlet, be it painting, drawing, photo art, cooking, baking,acting, etc....
So, to those of you who would show some interest, here is a link to my new sweet shop. I'm proud of it, hope I sell something, but being an artist isn't about selling stuff, is it? It's about the creative process, which I have been enjoying very much lately.

Etsy
Buy Handmade
iluvlucy8

The Sound from Hell at 5:30 a.m.

2008-02-03T06:16:00.000-08:00

I was awoke this morning by a very eerie sound. It first sounded far off so I didn't think much about it, but then it got closer. The sound was low and high at the same time. It sounded like someone yelling "Roooooyy." A cross between a yell and a whine. At first I thought maybe one of the kids was yelling in their sleep, maybe in the middle of some nightmare. The sound same slowly closer to my window by my bedroom, stopping now and then. Until finally, the sound blasted right under my bedroom window. Many thoughts went through my imaginative head. I thought maybe it was something demonic to begin with (so I started praying). Then I thought, what kind of animal could make a sound like that (none I had ever heard) ? I also thought of someone trying to play a very bad prank on me. Then I thought, maybe it's a dog that's been hit by a car. So I made my strong son (husband was in the shower) get up at 5:30 in the morning and run outside in the freezing cold to see if there was a hit dog by my window. We walk out on the porch, see a rustle in the bushes, and an animal comes bounding out of them and runs across the yard and then turns and looks at us. No it wasn't a werewolf, just a basset hound. LOL You would think in my lifetime I would have heard the baying of a basset hound, but I guess not.
My sound from hell, a basset hound. ; )

Reality Check

2008-01-31T17:50:00.001-08:00

So my 18 year old tells me that with my glasses I look like Velma on Scooby Doo. LOL

Who am I trying to kid?

2008-01-30T14:38:00.000-08:00

A funny thought and memory came to me after I picked up my bifocals today. I looked in the mirror and thought about how much I liked them. The are very smart looking, don't look much like granny glasses, have no line bifocals, and are purple. I kept thinking I'd seen them on someone else at some time, and then it hit me. Yes, I had seen them, on a woman in a Trace Adkins music video called "One Hot Mama." LOL
It must have been my subconscious because back in the day about 4-5 years ago when Terrell and I got together, he used to refer to me as "One Hot Mama."
No I don't look like the model in that video, but my glasses sure look like hers.
And no, I am not recommending that anyone watch the video.

Bifocals and Tubals

2008-01-25T04:20:00.000-08:00

I really never thought it would happen. I was going to stay perpetually young. LOL
Yes, these are the milestones I was talking about. I'm sure someone out there is saying, "Good grief". But it's so weird, because I'm at peace with these milestones that would seemingly signify maturity (That's what my optometrist said to call it, "maturity, not old age".) Well, the bifocals will help me see clearer and I can read again without getting headaches, my night vision will be better.
And at least I didn't pick out granny frames, my girls would be proud. They are stylish, and young looking, and purple. LOL
As far as the tubal, hmm, that's pretty personal and I'll try to put the why delicately and tactful.
I've had 7 children!! My body is getting a little worn out, so there is a necessary element to undergoing surgery. From what I gather, this procedure I'm getting done should make me feel a lot better. In a way, I will feel younger. My body will now be my own. ;)
And as Big Daddy (Terrell) puts it, "Once you have grandkids, it's time to quit (having children)."
I really did not want to be pregnant at 50, or 43 for that matter.
Change can be a very good thing.

I may be coming out of hiding soon.

2008-01-22T17:34:00.000-08:00

I don't know, I'm trying to figure it all out. I think about things to blog about all the time. For some reason I don't want to sit my butt down and do it. Well there are one or two things that are going to happen soon and I did want to talk about it.
They are kinda personal though so I don't know if I want to announce it or not. But one thing is for sure, it will be a milestone for me.
I just need one or two more days to think about how to say it. ;)

Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or I haven't lied about taking a break.

2007-12-06T04:00:00.000-08:00

This is a repost from someone else's bulletin. I like it.

Dear Children,
It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking the name of Jesus out of the season. Maybe you've forgotten that He wasn't actually born during this time of the year and that it was some of your predecessors who decided to celebrate His birthday on what was actually a time of pagan festival. Although it's wonderful to remember Him anytime.

Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting His birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn. If all His followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was He who made all trees. You can remember Him anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: He actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who He is in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.

If you want to give Him a present in remembrance of His birth here is a great list to choose from.
1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way His birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year..
2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them
3. Instead of writing Bob complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up. It will be nice hearing from you again.
4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of His birth, and why He came to live with you. Hold them in your arms and remind them that He loves them.
5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.
6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.
7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families
8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary-- especially one who takes His love and Good News to those who have never heard His name.
9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Him and they will make the delivery for you.
10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Him, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in His presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of His.

I guess I'm taking a break

2007-12-05T04:23:00.000-08:00

I know I don't get many punches to my blog, but to those of you who check in once in a while and wonder what's up, I guess I'm in break mode. For some reason I don't feel like I have much to say right now. I'm taking care of business and maybe doing some soul searching, and letting my back heal. I think I'll be back eventually.
I think Christmas makes me introspective. Lots of Love from Fairyland,
Marsha

Grandbaby and Werewolf

2007-11-02T06:54:00.000-07:00

A Few more pics for your viewing pleasure. LOL

Trick or Treat

2007-10-29T03:36:00.001-07:00

Yes, we are a Christian family and yes we do celebrate Halloween. I make no apologies.
I believe in facing the fears we have in life in order to overcome them, and we are just too darned theatrical not too. To those of you who don't mind,

Happy Halloween!!!!

Memories

2007-10-19T04:10:00.000-07:00

For posterity sake and for my sake, I've decided to start posting about things past. Some of it will be fun, happy, and nostalgic, but some of it might make someone cry. I hope it does, in a good way though. There are so many of my mom's memories that I have lost because she is gone and I told her over the years that she needed to tape them.
She did try once, but that was kind of a disaster, it made her remember only the bad things that happened to her.
I want to remember the good and when I'm not here someday, my kids will be able to laugh and cry and remember.
Okay, what's your earliest memory? I'll tell you mine. Christmas and Underdog!!!
When I was little, probably around my Lucy's age, I had a wonderful Step Grandmother. She took care of me many times in my childhood when my mom needed to work and also when she was sick. I lived with her for a period of years once when I was very small and then when I was about 7. My mom and her son had divorced but Grandma Shirley and mom stayed close. Mainly because of me probably.
I remember the Christmas tree with the tinsel and the big C-9 lights and one of my earliest memories is actually sleeping under the tree during the holidays. I must have been small to be able to accomplish this, but I would look up into the branches at the tinsel and lights and feel very sheltered and loved.
I also remember sitting in front of the TV eating my spagettios and watching Underdog. I absolutely loved Underdog. I guess for the same reason my little girl likes Yo Gabba Gabba (Yikes).
I have lost touch with this wonderful lady over the years but have just discovered that she may still well be alive. Although it seems that she has outlived two of her three children and I am in the process of trying to find her and write her to tell her how much I appreciate the things she did for me when I was little.
She took care of me after I had eye surgery for crossed eyes. She had a friend who was an optometrist who lead me through all the exercises to strengthen the muscles in my eyes. She would gently tickle my back with her fingertips to lull me to sleep. She made me feel like a grownup by letting me drink coffee milk, LOL and every once in a blue moon she give me about a 1/4 cup of beer (No doubt because I begged for it). I hope I am able to thank her for showing me some stability in an upturned childhood.

Success!!

2007-10-02T07:52:00.001-07:00

Fairyland succeeded in helping make the sweet 16 party a fun filled evening. The teens were so awesome. They made it extremely easy for this young/old face painter and her handsome assistant. There were just one or two very mild disappointments. One being that my skills as far as in the artsy arena were not really required. The kids just wanted the black light paint splashed on them with a few peace signs and hearts and words thrown in, the other being that the black light at the Riverboat was not very strong, so when I went to see the kids dance, you couldn't hardly see the black light paint unless you were very close to the black light. These kids had great attitudes, not one of them was snobbish in the least way. The birthday girl was polite and sweet and got in the act when she came up and wanted to paint the boys. Every one got painted, and poofed with glitter!! The young women at the party really loved my rock star assistant. LOL
The momma was very happy that her daughter was happy and she gave a very nice tip. I loved it. I need 10 more of them to help with Christmas. LOL
Actually, I did make some very good contacts, with the Riverboat manager, who took my business cards and the DJ who did likewise. These folks were down to earth and I enjoyed getting to know them.
And I know parties like this in my business are not the norm, but it was a GREAT initiation into the world of face painting!!!

The Big one is tomorrow

2007-09-28T05:32:00.000-07:00

Okay,
The Big One, the party I've been waiting for is tomorrow on the Star of Knoxville Riverboat.
Pray for my nerves! Pray for my ability! Pray I can paint as many kids as possible! Pray that they will be impressed! Pray that it will get me more work!!! Here is a sampling of what I'll be doing tomorrow.
Oh yeah,
pray for my back, feeling some relief but not complete.
Love from Fairyland,
Marsha

Pain will drive you to your knees-and then a good chiropractor

2007-09-27T03:22:00.001-07:00

Okay,
Finally an answer to my back problems, not from my doctor who said I had a mild case of scoliosis.
HELLO!!! Scoliosis isn't what's causing the pain in my back mister! It's a pinched nerve between my last vertebrae and my tail bone. I went to the great folks at Brown's Chiropractic in Knoxville and with their beautiful technology of digital x-rays, they were able to show me what the problem was. I have tried other chiropractors and not one has said anything about my nerve being pinched, as a matter of fact I really wonder if the first one didn't cause it, because I hurt worse after going to her than I did before I went. Well, at Brown's they have wonderful hydro-massage tables, traction tables, good adjusters, physical therapists, you name it. I think I will finally get some relief. I actually felt some relief after my first visit yesterday (I'm not sure if it was mental or physical). At least now my hypochondriac mind isn't telling me I have some awful disease.
For those of you who might happen upon this blog when you don't have anything better to do, ahem, DENNIS. If you are having back problems, you might want to try a good chiropractor.
This is just my two cents, and we shall see what the future holds for me, my back, and my body (which I am going to quit talking about getting into shape and actually do it).

This isn't the most interesting post, but I've complained about my back so much, I had to share the good news.

I'm Stupid!!!!!

2007-09-19T03:41:00.000-07:00

One week, that's how long I felt better in my back. Aaaaahhh! I'm so mad at myself and feel extremely stupid, but hey, that's me right?
Okay, so for one week I take a suggestion from my ex-husband to try a home remedy for arthritis and such, and it starts working!!! Wonder of wonders, even though it was his idea. LOL ; )
The idea was to drink 3-4 glasses of water with a couple of teaspoons of pure apple cider vinager and honey, this had anti-inflammatory properties and should help my aching back. Well, it did.
I felt better than I had in weeks, I had energy to spare, my back still hurt a little but I could live with a little bit of pain.
Then I went and did it, the stupid thing. It's funny, but I paid the price.
We went to the TVA and I Fair in Knoxville with the kids. We are watching "The Amazing Reptile" show or whatever it's called. The guy in the safari get up asks "What strong Tennessee Woman wants to get a picture of a lifetime?" as he holds up the 100 year old 100 lb amazon snapping turtle named Spartacus. I'm thinking, "Cool, he's going to put his hand in his mouth or something and I'll get to take a cool pic (forgetting that he used the word "strong"). Everyone knows how I love to snap pics.
I'm looking, no one is volunteering, I'm thinking okay, "Why is no one volunteering?" So I raise my hand and of course he calls me up front. He then proceeds to take my camera from me, and I finally get it. He wants me to get behind the turtle on the ground, grab the turtles shell and pull it up and have someone else take a picture. My brain is working in overdrive, "oh no, I can't back out, I'm in front of all these people." So, Miss Toughy who was having a blond moment goes up in front of a bunch of people and lifts the turtle (not completely off the ground, just halfway at an angle) and lets a woman snap a picture just to save face.
I'm sure you know the rest of the story, my back has hurt ever since than, badly!!!! That is why I'm stupid!!!
Well, I have doc appointment tomorrow. These pains I've been having have to be dealt with, I've been in denial, I don't want to be getting older (hence the turtle lifting).
Also, the woman who took the pics didn't even know how to use my camera and the shots above are the one's she took of me, but of course you can't see my head, just my arm and leg. This definitely added insult to injury.
I'm posting this because it's stinking funny, but also sad. Go ahead, laugh at my expense.
But pray for me also, lol.
because I got my first big gig for my business, it's a sweet 16 party on the Star of Knoxville Riverboat. I will be doing some blacklight face and arm painting. I am hoping that this is break for the business that I've been looking for and I need my back in good working order before than.
Living in Fairyland is such a good title for this blog, I really do live there sometimes.

I can't do that one sweetie.

2007-09-12T05:43:00.000-07:00

Lucy-after getting a swat on the butt for not minding
with tears and all
"It hurts mama, kiss my butt!"
mama-laughing her head off,
"I can't do that sweetie."

Cody Scarbrough's True Personality

2007-08-31T19:40:00.000-07:00

Children and grandchildren, my thoughts on becoming a Nana.

2007-08-31T04:48:00.000-07:00

Strange random thoughts floating around in my head, reminds me of when I first started this blog and I so aptly named it Nonni's random wanderings of the mind.
Well, the blog has a new name, but the content hasn't really changed.
I went to the hospital yesterday to help my daughter, son-in-law and new grandchild pack up and go back home and I actually got to hold my grandbaby for a longer period of time. I was sort of awash in bliss and it was a different kind of bliss than I had with my children. I really didn't expect that. The happy hormones took over and my back didn't even hurt for a while.
For one, it's strange, the worry isn't there like it is for your kids, I couldn't even try to worry. All I could see is her little bright eyes looking around and up at me when I talked to her and all is right with the world.
My little daughter has crashed though, she ended up having a c-section that she wasn't prepared for and things didn't go according to the best laid plans, so with the medication and the surgery and some problems with trying to nurse, she is very scared. I have tried my best to alleviate her fears and I think I've helped some.
She told me she couldn't imagine having 7 children like I did, and the reason she thought it would be easy was because I made it look easy. Ikes!!! I know it wasn't easy, but I was a strange one, I had no real family in my life and I started having babies to take the place of the family I didn't have. That is actually a sad commentary on my life, except that it was God ordained for me to have these children and He is the one who gave me the brains and the maternal instinct to pull it off. Of course the older I got the harder it was and my last was well, you know, MY LAST.
This is really a funny thought, my ex-husband wanted 12 kids when we first got together, I said four, not 12. And even though they are not all his I ended up with 8.
Ha,ha. Looks like I met him in the middle.( NOT REALLY).
I haven't said much about my past and my ex, I think that someday it will be a worthy subject, but I'm on grand parenting today.
Grand parenting is going to be FREAKIN FUN!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry, I'm a nana and know I shouldn't use the word "freakin" but "freakin" is a darn fun word. : )
Well, this is my history. It's my journal of life. I like seeing how I'm feeling in print.
This flower child is off to paint faces this weekend.

Roxy Gibson

2007-08-29T06:36:00.001-07:00

Conversations with Lulu

2007-08-29T04:30:00.000-07:00

This is at a table in Panera Bread

lulu-"DRINK, PLEASE!!!!"YOL
daddy-"Lucy, say it nicely."
Lulu-"NICELY!!!!!"YOL

Off to the hospital

2007-08-26T13:17:00.000-07:00

Hello and sorry it's been so long.
I'm in a rush, tomorrow my first grandchild will be here. I'm going to hospital tonight to be with my baby who is having a baby. : )
God Bless.
Dennis, if you read this, now the old jokes will mean something.
Marsha

A Hole in my heart

2007-08-21T05:33:00.000-07:00

I got a hole in my heart
that I can't deny
sometimes it lets things out
that I'd rather hide
just a broken stitch
my Achilles heel
just a minor glitch
in the way I feel
I need a hole in my heart
like a hole in my head
I gotta whole lot of trouble
think I'll just stay here in bed
I need a hole in my heart
like a hole in my head
I've got a whole lot of love
in this heart of mine
I got a whole lot of feelings
that I can't define
But it's just my luck
I throw away my crutch
and when I open up
I guess I say too much
I need a hole in my heart
like hole in my head
I got a whole room of trouble
think I'll just stay home in bed
Rick Elias-Hole in my heart

Well, I guess everyone gets the point. I've had some trouble lately, mainly trying to raise kids and start a business at the same time. Even good Christian kids try their parents sometimes and mine are no exception. And the grief from losing my folks in one form or fashion has hit me also. I'm working it out though.
Thanks for the prayers.

Remembering Details

2007-08-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

Conversation in car with Lulu;
Lucy-"Aaaahh"
Cody-"What's wrong?"
Lucy-"deres a maahnster"
Cody-"Where?"
Lucy-"I'n not sure"

National Lampoon's Vacation

2007-07-31T18:06:00.000-07:00

Well, not really, it wasn't as bad as that thankfully. My dear sweet husband bought our family a used R.V. a few weeks ago, so we could get out and get away when time and money allowed. I know it seems weird to buy an R.V. when gas prices are this bad, but a family has to do what a family has to do.
We took it out this weekend to Fall Creek Falls, so our kids could experience what we did as youngsters, the great outdoors, and family togetherness. The first night was not promising as Lulu was not used to the confinement of a camper or a, uh, ahem, harness(leash for babies). So we spent most of Friday night and some of Saturday morning with a toddler crying and throwing tantrums. I was aching all over and Terrell had a headache, we were almost ready to throw in the towel, when I decided after a fit that a couple of swats on the behind was in order. At that point Lulu got used to camping.
We then proceeded through the next day and a half without the toddler drama.
Lulu wasn't the only one needing to get used to camping again. I think it had been at least 12 years since I last camped. You would have thought our R.V. was a tent with the way I ached in the morning (of course I was sleeping with Lulu so you could see why). The rest of the trip was nice, we all begrudgingly had a good time.
Mind you, the story I'm telling next is not to brag on our families crudity or sense of humor, but it was sort of funny. Of course we love National Lampoons Vacation, Vegas Vacation, and Christmas Vacation, so much so to the point where we can pretty much quote many of the lines associated with these movies. One of mine and hubs favorite parts is when Randy Quaids character is emptying out the sewer tank from the R.V. he has brought, into the sewer on the street and he tells everyone, "Shi**ers full." Hubs and I were laughing over our eyeballs when we realized the previous owners of our used R.V. had not emptied the sewage tank and we were trying to be discreet, but I guess we were louder than we realized repeating this line to each other over and over. Problem was, eee, dare I mention it, someone else was listening intently to our conversation and when I picked up Lulu to take her to see the waterfall, she said, "Shi**ers full" twice in a row. Ohvey!!! Our fault entirely, but we were really trying hard not to laugh. Daddy got a bright idea and said to her, "want to see the waterfall?" which sounds similar to the other, you know, waterfall, shi**ers full, you get my point anyway. With much repeating of that over and over, I think we convinced her that is what was said. And of course, we are going to have to be a lot more careful with our coarse language.
Well, I'm mostly glad that we got to spend time with our tweenagers. I love them both.
I was able to get some pretty pics of stuff besides the inside of our R.V.
Oh, and for those of you who are so glad I didn't mention face painting, ha, ha. Take a look at the link to my new business website.
God Bless, Marsha

New pics

2007-07-23T18:14:00.001-07:00

Conversations with a two year old

2007-07-23T05:32:00.000-07:00

Lulu: "whatyoudoinmama?"
Me: "Changing the tablecloth Lulu"
Lulu: "Amaazing, goodjobmama!"
Me: Laughing my head off, "Thank you sweetie."

Lulu's Second Birthday or V is for Victory

2007-07-17T05:10:00.000-07:00

It's coming, my baby's second birthday, on the 20th. I have soo much to praise God for her. She has come a long way and so have I. I still have some worries, but most are behind me. Lo and behold, after almost two years she has outgrown every allergy except one. She drinks regular milk without any complications. She eats cheese and yogurt, wheat, tomatoes. The only thing she still has an intolerance for is egg white. I honestly think she will grow out of that one also. I wish I would have trusted the doctors when they told me she would grow out of these intolerance's. It would have saved me a lot of worry. But when your child has nasty poo with blood and it's sloughing off of their intestines, it sort of freaks you out. Sorry, TMI.
I feel so strange sometimes being her mother. I feel like I'm too old, but there she is always to remind me. I've had really bad back problems lately, so I really do feel old. Lulu's a good size child, so that isn't helping my back, but I wouldn't want her to be smaller.
I want to be there for her throughout the years, I so hope I can be. I have been attempting to take better care of myself for this reason.
I hate not having my mom or dad around. I miss having parents so much sometimes.
Well, on another note off the subject. I thought it was a given that I would be called Nonni by my granddaughter, but it may change. There are a few of my kids who don't like the name Nonni, not that they would influence me that much, but my dd who is having my grandchild is wondering also if we should go ahead and call me Nana.
Nana was my mom when she was with us, now that she is gone, I don't have as much of a problem with taking her title. I miss her much. So much more than I ever expected too.
Pray for my back anyone who reads this.
Lot's of love from Fairyland

Just for the heck of it.

2007-07-10T05:21:00.001-07:00

Two pics of Lulu. Isn't she cute? She is becoming my little face painting model.
At least it's a post. :P

Finally

2007-07-08T04:03:00.000-07:00

I know I shouldn't even be bothering anyone with a new post. I should be excommunicated from the blogging community! I'm not worthy.
Nevertheless, here I am, finally. What can I say now that I'm back at my feeble attempt to communicate to the outside? Not much I'm afraid, not anything that would really interest anyone.
But I will bring those who might be a little interested up to speed. My new business venture is off and hopefully running. My first face painting gig was on the 4th and moderately successful.
I enjoyed it very much, but hopefully the children I painted enjoyed it more. I have another gig at a car show in Harriman on the 14th. I am in the process of promoting my business and refining my painting skills, so that along with family are taking up most of my time, hence the no blog,
no words of wisdom, no cute quips, no anything. This week is VBS at my church so we get to help with that. I am going to paint faces for skits and paint the preschool class.

That being said, I don't have much of anything else, except a few pics. My brain won't let me think of anything else but business stuff. "How boring," some would argue. Yes, to some it would be. To me, it's my ideal and dream of better things with the exception of heaven. Especially when a young child sits there and with awe in their voice says, "How long have you been an artist?" He, he.
Well, if I can't impress anyone else, at least I can the kids!
I love everyone who is reading this!!
Talk later,
Marsha

Face Painting frenzy

2007-06-25T15:49:00.000-07:00

The count down for Sarah's baby shower and my face painting gig has begun. I hate not having time to blog, but hopefully after this week, I'll be able to catch everyone up. I am practicing every day and we are cleaning the house to get ready for the baby shower.
Here is more samplings of my work

I'm so excited.

2007-06-18T04:48:00.000-07:00

After countless months wondering what I'm supposed to be doing, I think I might have figured it out at least a little.
My oldest son said to me a few months back. "Mom, your so creative, find something you love to do and incorporate into earning money." I think he got this from Dave Ramsey, he's a smart boy.
I've spent years hiding some long forgotten talents. There were many reasons for this, but I'm excited that maybe now is the time for me to let them out.
Ever since deciding to start Fairyland Face Painting, the wheels in my mind have been turning and I've been brainstorming on how to bring this into fruition. My artsy smartsy alter ego had been talking to me a bit. I don't have it all down yet, and it will probably be slow going, but I have a vision for this new business venture.
I haven't had vision for a while. That is why I'm so excited!!

In the early years, our family was a performing arts family. When the children were little I carted them all over East Tennessee. We did folk dance, mime, Art lessons, drama, yada, yada. We mainly did Israeli folk and interpretive dancing.
I was living out my childhood dream through my children. I grew up wanting to be of all things, a mommy (well I sure got that one down), and an actress. I really didn't want anything else for myself. I definitely didn't care about money.
Well, this new business venture might provide a venue for my acting and art.
There was a seed planted long ago within my children and they all are involved still with some aspect of performing arts. I had dropped out, but now I'm dropping back in.
Enough said for now!
Here are some pics of my face painting. : )
My skill is coming along, I hope to learn more as time goes by.
And if any one knows of anyone who would like to hire a face painter, give a good word for me. : )

Already In June?

2007-06-10T07:13:00.001-07:00

Well, here it is. June that is. Yes, I haven't posted much in the past couple of months. I've been locked in a wrestling match with my computer, and finally my computer won, sort of.
I am humbled of course, I thought I would whip him. His next match was with Curt from Koda Systems in Oak Ridge and thankfully Curt won that time.
On to new and better things! The pic is taken of my 13 year old who is really too old to get her face painted but in the spirit of appeasement and because I'm trying to get my business off and running, she agreed to let me practice on her. I really need more practice, but this will do for now. For any one who is in Kingston on the 4th of July over in the Children's Section, Fairy Land Face Painting will be there (me) to paint your children's faces for a modest price. I might even do a few adults! he, he.
Pray for this venture! I really need an outlet to make a little milk money for our family. My sweet husband is working 64+ weekly. It's taking it's tole. He has shingles(found out yesterday). Stress and fatigue are the major contributors to this. I absolutely hate that he is in pain.
My son J.D. and his girlfriend are coming to spend some time today and I must get ready. I have met her a few times now and even though I haven't got to spend much time with her, I really like her. She is a laugher! Yes, laughter is a trademark of this family so she fits right in.
She is also beautiful and smart of course. They both seem completely twitterpated and since it hasn't been that long since I spent a stretch praying for someone for my son, I really believe she might be the answer to those prayers.

A time to laugh

2007-05-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

Someone told me once to keep movin.
Sound advice. People don't realize that.
I'm laughing again. I never really did quit, but I have grieved, actually more than I thought I would.
I am on my new adventure, it's an adventure of planning for the future and remembering the past.
But in reality, I am planning a business venture. Another one, not the same as last year.
Yes, having and operating my own business has always been a dream of mine.

My computer is fixed, yes, most definitely. I fixed it. It was the switch, not the power supply, not the motherboard.
"Desperation is the mother of repair"- Marsha Scarbrough.

My kids made home made birthday card for me and here is some of what it contains. M stands for marvelous, O stands for oooh La La, M stands for Mucho Sexy. (he, he)
Ya know, I was reading this new study that showed that after a person turns 43, their toenails start to loosen. I thought it was pretty crazy, so I flipped to the end to verify the research and it said, "You are reading a load of crap!" How in the heck would you believe this?! ha, ha, ha.
(My kids have my twisted sense of humor).

I have decided that no matter what, our family is a joyful, laughing family. It is our gift passed down through numerous generations. Now that is not to say that I don't get down, because most of you know that I do, but I am so thankful for the laughter. I hope everyone I know experiences it to some extent.

I've missed everyone, but I'm back for a while!

In My Face

2007-05-02T07:56:00.000-07:00

I've had a hard past two days. Not hard in that really bad things have happened, but just my own stuff (issues) that I try very hard to keep put down and under control.
I do have issues, even though I may not come across that way.
Many people have told me that they see me as a very put together person. Ha, ha, if only they knew.
My main problem, panic attacks. Over stupid, idiotic fears that I have no business thinking about. My biggest fear, that my youngest dear daughter is going to come down with some strange illness.
This kills me! I've been doing very well, even to the point a few months ago, my Doctor allowed me to go off of some anti-depressant that I had been taking for many years.
And for the most part, I'm still doing well. But then a day will come and unreasonable, idiotic fear will grip me and I won't know what to do, and I give in to it.
I usually hold myself together on the outside, but my inside is crap. I do know the triggers and I do know I have a problem, so that's half the battle right?
This last trigger, DD has had cold and won't eat and I'm freakin paranoid about it!
So today, I'm pulling back a little, calming myself and blogging. I will even get to exercise today to relieve tension.
I did cry yesterday, and in the midst of it, God sent me an in your face message.
The Lord is gracious, he loves us, and he speaks softly, but sometimes we need more,
a scolding if you will.
I was standing in the line at a checkout at our own UGO, and noticed a child in the cart in front of me. His mom was blocking his view a little, but I saw his little foot dangling down and saw that it was very clubbed. As she moved out of the way, I got a better picture of the happy little guy, just enjoying his time in the cart. Smiling and motioning, he looked about 10-12 months. I started waving at him and he responded and smiled and started pointing at me. I could tell there might be a problem because of the club feet, but had no idea what. He was sweet. I asked his mama what his name was and she said Patrick. I then of course told her about my dear daughter and and that she was 21 months old. Then the bomb dropped, Patrick it seems was almost 3. He had a form of dwarfism which caused the smallness and deformity. I started feeling very ashamed of myself at this point, but it got worse. As I talked, I observed the parents, they were poor, but not backward, and there was very much love toward that child. She explained to me that Patrick had been through about 4-5 heart surgeries, had to be fed with a tube, and had died 5 times and came back. I sort of felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I was sincere when I told her that I would pray for him, and she appreciated it, even giving me his last name, so I could tell others to pray to. She said prayer was the only thing that had kept him alive.
I said my goodbyes and God bless, as I walked out the door I was crying again, this time for the right reasons. I cried a few times more yesterday.
You see, I don't want to cry for the wrong reasons, I don't want to worry needlessly. I want to be strong just like that mama was. She knows that every day with him is a miracle and he is in God's hands.
I hope I can get there.

Fluff

2007-04-28T03:42:00.000-07:00

So why do I write in my blog, knowing that not many people will think what I have to say is significant or worthy? I wonder if I'm not a whiner sometimes, throwing my thoughts out into the great expanse of cyberspace just to have my thoughts come echoing back at me. I guess at that point I can sort out how I feel. If I'm whining, I realize what I've written is just fluff, not something for everyone. My minister has been writing about poverty. My friend Summer has been writing about identity and happiness and autism. My friend Steve writes uplifting sermons. My son writes about the great political machine. I am so impressed with the blogs I read, they seem so important. I do not go that deep usually(well sometimes I do). And there is a risk of me feeling that I can't compete (never have liked competitions) but I'm still blogging. Something in me tells me it's important. To me it's a journal and a journey of sorts. A journey of the little things, the mundane, the goofiness. I learned a long time ago that God cares about the little things, the things we take for granted.
I really think the mundane is the mundane and as much as I would like to change it, I can't right now. I'm waiting for something, permission maybe. Permission to let loose, let go, and be free.
I had visions long ago, and dreams. Many of them have come to pass, some haven't, which makes me wonder if they will. I do think some are God inspired and will actually happen, but still the waiting.
What do I do while my wings are clipped?
I guess pray, first of all. Let myself learn patience. And enjoy the little things, like
Lucy's growing and conversing, my garden, having a clean house, nature, scrapbooking, and last but not least this little blog.

Playing hooky

2007-04-23T05:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, yesterday I should have gone to church. More often than not I do play hooky. It is hard to get up and get ready on Sunday mornings after all the activity of the previous week. I would like a real day of rest at times. Yesterday, well, I woke up feeling melancholy about my mother. Terrell and I had been working on a rock garden on the side of our house and it wasn't finished, something in me just wanted it complete. I love gardening, my mom passed that on to me. She had a tremendous green thumb. It is so funny, all the stuff I hated when I was young, I absolutely love now. Anyway, here are a few pics of our hard work.

IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!

2007-04-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

LUCY GOOSEY IS GOING TO HAVE A NIECE IN AUGUST OR SEPTEMBER. CAN YOU SEE HOW EXCITED SHE IS? Instead of my own verse, since I haven't had time to be too creative here lately, here is some verse from "When you are Happy" by Eileen Spinelli

When you are happy
oh, when you are happy,
I will outleap the frog,
outbuzz the bee,
outwink the firefly.
I will twirl you
round meadows
until we are both
dizzy
and dazzled,
and falling down
into our grassy heap
of joy.

More later everyone!

Welcome to Frumpville

2007-04-13T12:42:00.000-07:00

The title says most of it. The fact that my life seems to be running down that slippery slope of complacency and I've allowed it. Does anyone really know how hard it has been for me to be a stay at home mom all these years? I'll leave the pro/con arguments out of it for now and just focus on me. Part of me loves being home with my children. They are not neglected, they feel secure, it keeps them out of trouble, they are nourished and cherished and loved, etc....
My problem is losing myself in this. I'm so busy giving that I forget all about me. I am so run down right now, I haven't felt this way in years. How can I find the balance in all this? The truth is that even when I work outside the home, I push myself even harder to take care of everyone and everything.
I just want my brain to start working right again. For those of you who don't know I made really good grades in school. : P I really want to talk about things besides family life sometimes. I want to explore my creativity, I want to write, I want to hold intelligent conversations with smart people, I want to be trim and fit, I want to wear smart clothes, I want my own business...
I could go on forever. I'm looking at what I'm writing and it's pretty hilarious.
There are choices I need to make about my life. The choice of staying home is a given. I just couldn't make enough money to make working worth it. Also, my children would pay the price. My oldest at home is graduating, but then comes 2 preteens and an almost 2 year old. The younger kids are too impressionable right now, they need my influence. But this other slump of not taking care of myself in order to take care of everyone else, I've got to find a way to put this behind me and move on.
My first goal: Start walking, get fit. I've got to remember, one day at a time. Oh, I'll get there, sure and certain I will. Sometimes we just have to talk ourselves into things.
But I sure could use a little inspiration. Anyone out there have any ideas?
The other stuff may just have to fall in place.

The Eagle

2007-04-08T06:54:00.000-07:00

Well, we had my mom's Memorial service yesterday, and I could give you a detailed account of everything that went on, but I won't. Needless to say, it was a great service. Mom would have approved. It was more like a party with all her old friends. Anyway, a very strange coincidence occurred before the service while we were waiting on my cousins from Chicago. My son, Cody, spied a large bird in the sky and when it turned around and flew toward us, we all saw that it was a bald eagle. I've always known we had some bald eagles in East Tennessee, but I've never seen them except for in cages in Dollywood. Well, it flew right over us and off into the distance. It was a beautiful sight. I pondered about the symbolism for a few minutes but then had to get busy getting things ready for the service.
When I had a chance to sit down and think about that eagle after the evening had worn down, I remembered the last time I had seen a bald eagle and then I realized as a general rule, I don't believe in coincidence.

The last time I saw a bald eagle was 10 years ago. I had flown to Seattle, Washington, to be with Mom. She had become very sick with Double Pneumonia and her emphysema lungs weren't doing well on their own. The doctors had put her on high doses of prednisone, a steroid to help strengthen her lungs. They were trying to wean her off of it, but she was one of those few people who can instantly become dependent on the medication. I think she was also on oxygen every once in a while at this point. I hadn't seen mom for three years preceding that because of her travels and I had a house full of kids that kept me from going anywhere. When I met mom at the airport in Seattle, it was very hard for me. Her appearance had changed dramatically. Mom had always looked like my sister instead of my mother. She was larger than life, bodacious, beautiful, sexy (yes, that she was) and trim. When I met her at the airport, the medications side effects greeted me. Moon faced (still pretty), a big weight gain, out of breath very easily, she looked old. My mother had never looked old! I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I stayed with mom for the next 3 weeks, with one week being spent down in Northern California where mom and Larry sent me to spend time with an old friend.
Mom had thought at the time, that she didn't have much longer to live. So while I was there, we traveled the state doing things together. She was recuperating mind you, but she wouldn't let me drive anywhere. So one day, she decided to drive me to almost the top of Mt. Rainier. As we neared the entrance to the road to go up the Mountain, I saw something swoop down in my peripheral vision. As it flew parallel and just over the top of the truck I realized it was a bald eagle. I had never seen one in the wild. It was a wonderful experience. We made our way up the mountain and it snowed and we got to throw snowballs.
Mom and I had lots of adventures when I visited her there. It was some of the best time I had with her. She would take me somewhere, sit down, out of breath and tell me to go on. We sailed on a ferry to get to Victoria, British Columbia. We got there, she sat and sent me exploring.
But getting back to the Eagle :)
God shows himself through his creation, this I believe. Do I think He was trying to comfort me? Yes, I most certainly do. As a Christian symbol, the eagle represents salvation, redemption and resurrection.
Wow.

My Beautiful Bipolar mother

2007-04-05T04:58:00.000-07:00

These are definitely random thoughts today. I'm going to write about my mom in one form or fashion in length eventually. When I wrote the last time, my heart was on a negative note because I was upset about the accident. I really thought she was going to pull through and end up being able to go into assisted living. I had in my mind that we would be able to visit her there and she would be this sweet little old lady one day and be throwing things at us the next. :) My mom has always been and always will be larger than life to me. No, I really thought she would live until she was 80 regardless of the emphysema. My husband, who is an LPN, said it would jolt him every time I joked about it, but he really couldn't say anything to me. As much as I feel I raised myself (well, God called me at a young age, so He helped), I'm going to miss her. One day, and it hasn't been that long ago, I gave up on mom being normal. I also got used to her swings in mood and temperament. I learned to laugh at her high times, and feel for her in her low times. Wow, that amazes even me. God has had a big part in this and I can truthfully say that even though I don't understand my childhood, the fact that I'm healed from the pain of it is truly inspiring.
I always thought my testimony was boring. ;)
To be continued...

Roxanne Madonna Hensley

2007-04-02T16:54:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know, my momma, Roxanne Hensley, passed away on March 29th.
We are getting ready for her memorial on Saturday, April 7th. My daughter Grace wrote a poem to remember my mom and it is beautiful. I will be writing more myself when I get the time.

Friday, March 30, 2007

a meditation on Nana
Category: Writing and Poetry

She could be called a woman of experiences,
Which have shaped her just as God willed.
What then could have been different?
Should have been different?
Nothing is the answer.
Even she trusts in that.

She owes everything good to her Daddy
And chases after His heart.
She understands Him and desires His best,
No matter how best it was,
So her submission and trust tell me that.

She cherishes her blessings and declares she has much cause for gratefulness.
She set her emotions to flight
On occasssion,
But I don't blame her for it.

She owns faith with purest authenticity
That makes me wonder and admire.
She put her heart behind her babies,
And loves unconditionally with small effort.

She is not dead, but now alive and bodacious as in youth.
She has a sparkle when she grins,
That is so desirable to evoke.
She often mustered new ideas
With few survivors in the end,
But her creativity cannot be matched.

She told stories many a time repeated,
But if laughter bubbled from her deep,
Laughter she would ignite.
I shall never forget the way she tickled
Herself into silliness
Or that blasting cackle so characteristic of her.

She testifies, she shares,
She doesn't put anything past her Daddy.
She openly layed out her mind
And was forthright when need be
Telling me all the things I need to hear,
But she affirmed her relationships
And extended invitations into her
World of love and God-given joy.

She is radical, she is beautiful.
Of course not perfect, but that
She'll be the first to mention.
She is loving,
And she is wonderful.

She has escaped the physical now
Out of our perceptions that way.
Although my greatest fear from this is
Missing out,
She has engrained me with the knowledge that
She has been given her heart's desire,
Which for her testimony is instilled by God.

Now if she were here today, she would
Bring life to our gathering.
She would lead us into infinite
Praise to our Lord, just as she is doing now.
So then let us give her the praise her life deserves
And let it be known as from her Father,
And for her Father.

I wrote this poem about my perceptions of my Nana, but I'm sure the singular subject can become plural just as easily. I do recognize the changes in verb tense, b/c I did that on purpose. I'm not sure if I could integrate it the right way, but they are there to reference her life now in heaven and her life that was on this earth. But I believe in the kind of poetry that doesn't have too many rules, and I like blank verse. I am so happy that my Nana is healed. I can only imagine what she is experiencing right now. It has been her dream and her heart's desire, and I thank God for fulfilling that. The last line references Proverbs 31:30, from which chapter she had Faith and I memorize

Moods

2007-03-27T05:14:00.000-07:00

I have started two blogs and not finished. I'm in a non blogging mood. Mom is still not doing too well. I know I'll get back on here with a vengeance when things settle down. I figured out that I'm one of those people who have a lot to say and usually I keep it to myself, but here lately, I've had this driving need to let my opinion be known, for what it's worth, foot in mouth or bust. :) It's really hard to keep quiet when you think your right. : P
For those who are wondering, they lightened mom's sedation yesterday, she woke up wild and pulled out the vent and other things besides. I have this feeling she doesn't want to have them in her, but she could have just been afraid. Spring break, I've got a lot to do this week. God bless everyone.

My Family

2007-03-20T06:33:00.000-07:00

My mom, hmmm, hard to put it into words about how I feel about her. At the young age of 64, her mind and her will to take care of herself have all but left. I feel like she has been committing slow suicide for 20 years. A few words to describe her, legalistic, sad, isolated, self destructive, unhealthy, manic, nervous, abusive, but also can be kind to strangers, loving, prayerful, forgiving. My mom's battle with mental illness started long before I came along. I used to take the blame as a child. I was little miss fix it. It didn't work and then as an adult I battled unforgiveness and bitterness. It took some time, but the Lord helped me out with it. I have never rejected her though she believes I do all the time.
I'm sure my mom is probably better than some moms, but I have felt like an orphan all my life. I can't tell her my problems because they are turned and used to attack me. I have to listen, to her, about everything.
She is in the hospital after having her second accident while smoking with her oxygen on. Hopefully, her husband will realize she has to be in assisted living.
I guess, more than anything, I'm sad for her. Sad, because her life could have been full. She has one daughter and eight grandchildren and one great grandchild coming.
She could have been with her family and spent time with the grandchildren, getting to know them, getting to like them. The child in my mom wouldn't let her share herself.
I came along when she was 23. It's funny, I wasn't supposed to. She couldn't have any kids. She had contracted gonorrhoea in a house of ill repute and it had closed her up. My mom was determined she would have a child. A new experimental operation was performed, mom had it done. It might have worked real good, but she ruptured the surgery to get to her grandfathers funeral. The Doctors who performed the surgery were furious with her. They told her she had pretty much ruined her chances of conceiving.
I know God gave my mom a daughter for a reason. I guess she needed to see him manifest in someone. I guess to experience unconditional love.
Right now, I'm sad, because I see through a glass darkly. When I see Him face to face, I believe I'll have answers to some of these questions about my childhood, or I just won't care anymore.

More on a deeper note.

2007-03-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

I felt like I needed to clarify some things about my earlier post about the sleep paralysis I experienced when pregnant with Lucy, for those who have read or will read the post.
I do not believe for one instant that demons were harassing me. I do believe that I was experiencing a sleep disorder that is not well known even though it is said that many people experience it.
My belief on demons harassing Christians: they can't, they don't because of the blood of Christ inside of us. But, Satan does try to get to us other ways to discourage us, and some of those ways can be our mind, or our body, our finances, our marriages, relationships, etc.
Satan comes as a roaring Lion. He can figure out ways to give us trouble, but GREATER is HE who is in us, then he who is in the world.
Now, while I was going through this, I wasn't sure whether or not the devil was actually having victory or not. In some Christian circles, sadly, demons would have been cast out, and to be totally honest, I don't think it would have worked because it was a medical condition!
I had dear friends who told me over and over the devil doesn't have that much power. I had a couple of praying churches. I had a family who was trying their best to understand, even though they really couldn't. I had a husband who took me to doctor after doctor because he didn't think I was crazy.
My faith was restored after a time, God had not left.
How did this occur and why? Well, I have my ideas, but might leave them for another post or tell just those who are interested. It doesn't really matter anyway except it might help someone, someday.
The end of the story is Lucy. She's here, she's well. She's beautiful, oh yeah. Takes after her mom. LOL (well, maybe a little)
Looks like her nana. Watch out boys, Daddy's got the shotgun!!!

I thought I'd seen everything

2007-03-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

I really thought I'd seen a lot, but a little commercial popped up on Nick Jr. the other day that I had to address. It was a commercial to advertise Barbie with pet dog Jack and she trains him to go in certain places and actually cleans up his poo. AAAUUUGGGHHH!
I had Barbies, ton's of them when I was little and I pretended to do lots of stuff with them, but cleaning up dog poop was not one of them. I myself had to clean up from our beagle so I really didn't see anything fun about it. Do they think if little girls pretend to clean up dog poop, than they will want to do in real life? Ha, ha, ha
I have really been thinking about if I would go the Barbie route with Lulu. I don't see anything really wrong with them. I'd prefer them over "Bratz" dolls anyday. I got them for my other girls, but they never really took off with them like I did when I was little. All of theirs usually ended up naked in a pile, or the boys (Josh and Josiah) would take off the dolls clothes and rip off their heads and put them on the window sill for the girls to find. : )
But Barbie was pretend to me and I'm almost too afraid to let lulu enjoy them, because like the one I described above, it's getting way too realistic. I don't want Lulu to live in la la land, but I have an aversion to the realistic trend I see in some toys.
Well, she may end up making the choice herself over the next few years. She already thinks the commercial for the "Fairytopia" Barbie DVD is in her little word, "nice, momma".
But there will be no pooper scooper Barbie for this family. That is just plain gross.

On a deeper note

2007-03-13T06:08:00.000-07:00

Well, on a deeper note as the title says, I've decided to talk about some harsh realities that happened when I was carrying Lucy. To say the pregnancy was hard is an understatement. As a general rule, I try not to think about my pregnancy days with Lucy because the memories have caused panic attacks in the past. Pregnancy should be a joyous occasion. There wasn't any real reason for it not to be with Lucy, except the reality was it was harder than anything I've ever experienced because it brought me very close to thinking I was mentally ill.
I had many times in my life when I had to stand up for myself. I really thought the experiences had toughened me. My divorce was not easy, I may have lost some hope in mankind and had trust issues with God, but I never, never lost faith.
I believe I have discovered some of the physical issues that helped push me over the edge during the pregnancy. I discovered these on my own without a doctors diagnosis but am still convinced it happened. One of the major things I discovered was that I was experiencing something called Sleep Paralysis. Now I will have to give you the definition I have found of this disorder because I could not tell you from memory.

Nightmare (Detail)

Henry Fuseli

Sleep paralysis, or more properly, sleep paralysis with hypnagogic and hypnopompic hallucinations have been singled out as a particularly likely source of beliefs concerning not only alien abductions, but all manner of beliefs in alternative realities and otherworldly creatures. Sleep paralysis is a condition in which someone, most often lying in a supine position, about to drop off to sleep, or just upon waking from sleep realizes that s/he is unable to move, or speak, or cry out. This may last a few seconds or several moments, occasionally longer. People frequently report feeling a "presence" that is often described as malevolent, threatening, or evil. An intense sense of dread and terror is very common. The presence is likely to be vaguely felt or sensed just out of sight but thought to be watching or monitoring, often with intense interest, sometimes standing by, or sitting on, the bed. On some occasions the presence may attack, strangling and exerting crushing pressure on the chest. People also report auditory, visual, proprioceptive, and tactile hallucinations, as well as floating sensations and out-of-body experiences (Hufford, 1982). These various sensory experiences have been referred to collectively as hypnagogic and hypnopompic experiences (HHEs). People frequently try, unsuccessfully, to cry out. After seconds or minutes one feels suddenly released from the paralysis, but may be left with a lingering anxiety. Extreme effort to move may even produce phantom movements in which there is proprioceptive feedback of movement that conflicts with visual disconfirmation of any movement of the limb. People may also report severe pain in the limbs when trying to move them

I hope I haven't bored everyone, but I had this happen over and over for at least a couple of months. I would have about 5-7 nightmares about the baby, awaken in the morning to find that I couldn't move, and feel like something bad was happening (I never saw any demons but thought that they were there), feel like a shock wave go through my body, move and when I could finally open my mouth I would scream or cry. I thought I was dying. These episodes left me very weak to say the least. I couldn't hardly walk and had to have my children or husband help me. My old set of doctors wanted to keep me on antidepressants and anxiety meds (one even prescribed zanxax). I tried a few and they only made it worst. They finally sent me to another high risk group in another hospital and these doctors were a God send. They put me in the hospital and did every test imaginable to make sure I was okay. I do not fault them for not knowing what was causing this. Doctors all have their areas of expertise and they were high risk pregnancy doctors not sleep disorder doctors. But the one thing they did do is show some respect and concern and even love about what I was going through, didn't act like I was a crazy loon, did not diagnose me as being Bipolar, and said that just because they couldn't figure it out, didn't mean it wasn't something substantial.
I want to write more about my faith at this time, my family, and how I came to the realization of it. For now, this is enough. Whew.

Insomnia and surreal tv

2007-03-12T06:09:00.000-07:00

I don't know what happened to me last night. I guess we ate too late, I had caffeine to close to bedtime. I don't know, but I was up from 2-5:30 this morning. I hate those nights when I can't sleep because I pay so dearly for it the next day. Well, after trying to fall asleep by reading and taking tylenol (which usually works but didn't), I turned on the stupid T.V. Nothing was on of course with over 100 channels. I happened upon the BabyTv channel and they had images and music to help baby fall asleep. I really should have turned it there to begin with, I just didn't know what I was missing. :) So while I was drinking some warm milk I watched the mesmerizing images and music. Slowly, slowly my body relaxed, my mind was infused with pictures of golden meadows, sand pictures, Kaleidescope images, colors, sounds, animals, well, you get the picture. Yes, after about 10 minutes I was ready to go back to sleep. I wonder if it works for babies? Lucy wasn't up with me so I don't know if it does and she is a toddler and not a baby anyway.
The insomnia cure is baby tv.